He's Pondering Life
At "Supermarket" we found a chocolate bar the size of a small baby.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
First Hike of the Decade
Despite my hibernation tendencies I still like to get out and be active. We never did make it out to the country but just before winter break came to a close our crew managed to make a wee hike. It was nice to be out of the city, trekking with friends. It was cold as hell but I wanted to see how my del would hike. It certainly kept me warm but that thing is damn near twelve pounds! Don't notice it out and about in the city but goddam! Trying to climb a mountain (read bluff) with that thing is hard work. Burnt some calories that day, sho'nuf.
Brent, the kid who just got out of the hospital because of pneumonia came along. Stupid hipster weakling didn't wear a hat, the tip of his nose turned white. We forced him to zip up (it's fuckin' -15F out there, mind you) and cover his damn face. For fucks sake. We're Not In L.A. Anymore Dorothy! I couldn't believe it. Without our help dude would be lifeless by now. Unbelievable.
Outside the city the air was noticeably clearer. There was an unholy looking cloud of dense smog hanging over the valley and obscuring the hills beyond UB. Rather disturbing that was. We weren't out for long. We got there kind of late so the sun sank fast. After our excursion we stopped at a place called "Irish Pub", which is right next door to "Supermarket", for some hot drinks. The place was swank and completely empty. Nice pub. I can't imagine why they got no business on a Saturday night. What a pity.
Smoking Section
Out my window on a summer evening.
Same scene at about 10am on a frigid winters day. Gross.
New Years Blaaghh
After the Christmas party I hibernated. It felt great. I don't understand you "seize the day" people. I'm like a lion. I'm comfortable with functioning for about 7 hours a day. Preferably 3 hours in the late morning and 4 hours in the evening. That's livin'! Seriously, I get my best sleep between the morning hours of 5 and 10. This last week I spent more hours in bed than out. There were a couple of days there where I didn't even leave my apartment. Some days I didn't even bother to get dressed.
Our original plan was to get out to the country for new years but that failed to materialize. Nevertheless, we still managed to get 'er done right. A small group of us intrepid whities gathered at my boy Jason's apartment for some alcohol and conversation. I ended up selecting a warm Tsingtao from his fridge. This could only end poorly. Some beers (mostly European) are actually decent at warm temperatures. Tsingtao is not one. Blaagh.
Suddenly it was 11:30. We must make haste! Fireworks at Sukhbaatar Square at midnight. About a mile away. We ran through the frigid night. I was hindered by me del and quite likely out of shape. I felt like I was made of lead. Water vapor from my breath condensed into my beard and surrounding dreads giving me a true father christmas look.
We made it with ten minutes to spare. People in the square had already begun to light of fireworks. The government decreed that there should be none set off by the populace, a completely unenforceable law. I believe Uncle Chinggis simply didn't wish to partake in the expense of a public display this year. Since Mongol gov't knew that the people would light their own a ban on personal displays could "legitimately" be "punished" by a "cancellation" of gov't fireworks. Just speculatin', but...c'mon.
So we witnessed a bunch of crap fireworks with no government participation. Jason popped the cork on his oversized champagne bottle which dribbled off the lip unimpressively. His girlfriend lit a bottle rocket and threw it too early. It landed on the ground near a group of bystanders and fizzled until taking flight once more and crashing into the side of the parliament building. Bizarre echos bounced off the glass windows. It was all so surreal. And fuckin' frigid. We taxied back to Jason's where he proceeded to get way too drunk. I myself was no longer partaking as the warm beer and cheap champagne was giving me a headache. God I wasn't even drunk.
Headache all day the next day. We all just stayed in and watched tv. Welcome 2010. Hope you prove better than last decade. Somehow I doubt it.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The Only Thing Worthwhile From The Night
And from now on we can just call my camera "Pixelated Injustice"
Spare Us, Oh Lord
Wait...what?
Awkwardness Ensues
The Business of Faggy Dancing
What Tools These Mortals Be
Make It Stop
For Shame
I Just Feel...Dirty
The Honor Roll
See What I'm Talkin' About?
Guyanga with our Beloved Director
Now That's Classy
S-s-s-s-smokin'!
eela-zeela, eela-zeela, eela-zeela, LadyKilla!
Dearest Guyanga: I apologize for my behavior the other night. I was hammered. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me one day. Happy New Year!
New Year/Santis 10th Anniversary
Whoo! Yeah! Party!
Mongolians throw down for New Years! Seriously! Fortunately for us whities Santis decided to throw its 10th Anniversary/New Years bash on Christmas day. This means we still get to party once more in about a week. Stay tuned.
I was asked to dress nice for once, a first since landing in Mongolia. This is something I really appreciate about my job, casual dress is totally acceptable. The women really went all out this year, which was awesome to see. I don't know how they do it but Mongol women are totally gorgeous. Is it something in the water?
The festivities started about two hours late, no surprise there. I foolishly showed up on time, which means I sat around staring at my shoes until people began to arrive. Our hosts had us at a Japanese restaurant, which was nice enough but rather skimpy on the meals. However, the drink was flowing so, no complaints there. The ceremony opened with what amounted to the best part of the night. A troupe of traditional Mongolian musicians and dancers entertained the guests with some authentic song and dance. This was followed by a most awkward address by our director. My Mongolian co-workers were all laughing and scoffing at her behind her back. I don't feel like I have much vested interest in the organization so I didn't care so much, but my co-workers were of a different mind.
Further awkwardness followed as this bizarre Mongolian version of Father Christmas strolled down the aisle and started handing out plaques expressing the company's appreciation for various staff members. They had this audio track that was undoubtedly meant to sound majestic and significant. The only problem was that it was about twenty seconds long. Father Christmas handed out awards for the next twenty-five minutes with that damnable track on repeat. After about the 30th reel it was no longer epic, after the 50th reel it was genuinely obnoxious, and by the end it just felt cheap.
Our senses were further debased by some half assed dance numbers performed by reluctant participants. Some Mongolian women came out to perform an awful version of...I don't even know what it was supposed to be. It involved little canes and sparkly top-hats and it was really bad. Afterwards the british contingent continued to assault our dignity with their Morris dancing. I don't ever want to witness this tripe again. Gawd! (shutters uncontrollably)
By this point I was pretty sauced. I wasn't even sure they were going to ask me to take the stage. Originally the main branch native English teachers and myself were going to perform this weird buddy cop play. That collapsed when one of the leads fell victim to pneumonia and had to spend the last week in the hospital. Plan B was for David and I to sing a duet but that failed to materialize as we neglected to ever practice. Suddenly, I was compelled to perform on the fly. Thats okay. I have a few tricks under my belt. I drunkly bellowed out a belligerent rendition of Ramblin' Man, causing my voice to go hoarse immediately. I was shocked when the crowd asked me to continue so I gave them some Black Water. At this point some were clearly fed up, yet others wanted more. So I forced them through an audience participation version of Bank Robber. I guess it worked.
Finally we were spared the obnoxious performances and allowed to cut some rug. The musical selection was atrocious, of course, but I was of no mind to be hindered by such a trivial matter. I made damn sure to dance with all the pretty ladies, at least some of them were good sports. Somehow the party wrapped up prior to midnight, which was fine by me. I was absolutely annihilated. Aaaannnnd...once again I was completely worthless the next two days. Are you noticing a trend yet?
Death To Your Lungs!
Out my window, you can see the results of people trying to stay warm. The pollution is horrible and everybody knows it. It's unclear what the people plan to do about it. In the meantime we all must suffer ravaged lungs from the carbon smoke. I can't imagine this lifestyle being sustainable. Only time will tell...
One solution to the enormous amount of litter on the streets of UB seems to be burning. I wish they would at least transport it away from heavily populated areas. This can't be good.
Raging garbage fires at night.
Dellin'!
As I walk through Hell in my ill type Del...
I was going to write a sweet rap about my experiences in smokey UB but...I never got around to it.
Check it out! I got a del! My homey Erca helped me procure the necessary materials and find a taylor. 265,000 Toogs (roughly $185) later and I'm all decked out. Notice the sheepskin lining. By far the most expensive item, I feel like I'm wearing a rug everywhere I go. Its nice though, I stay warm even in -30F conditions. No joke, it's cold up in Mongol Land right now. Much better than purchasing a boring winter coat. This way I can walk away from my experience here in Mongolia with something authentic.
People on the street offer mixed reactions. Some seem stoked that a foreigner would sport their traditional clothing. This seems appropriate as much of Mongolian culture is being swallowed by our own enormously seductive modern style. Others are amused and call me "Chinggis" (presumably because of my beard) after the infamous hero that united Mongolia and conquered so many. Still others seem dubious or even aggravated by it. Personally, I try to remain ambivalent. I like my new threads but I'm not fishing for props from my hosts. That being said I am rather stoked that it has all worked out. Check the pix y'all!
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